Ye Unwritten Rules Of Ye Hashe.

Foreword.

The following rules are those much repeated and passed down by the hashers of old.  They are neither solid nor immutable and can be changed at the whim of the Grandmaster or his deputies, but they do serve as a foundation to guide the freshman hasher into this glorious pastime.

Ye Rules Of Ye Hashe.

Rule 1.    And yea, ye Grandmaster is the spiritual and temporal leader of ye Hashe and it is to him, aided by his courtesans, that falls ye burdensome task of ensuring ye Hashe remains true to its spirit.

Rule 2.    Ye Grandmaster is our Lord and Master, and shalt rule absolute (but under direction from his courtesans).

Rule 3.    Ye Grandmaster shalt appoint ye servants of ye Hashe as he deems necessary.  Ye Hash Cash, Hash Haberdash, Hash Trash, Hon Sec, Hare Raiser, etc. will be chosen by him, and will loyally serve him.

Rule 4.    Ye Grandmaster, or his mistresses, shalt welcome new initiates to ye hash, and ensure they know ye nuances of ye traile.  He shalt also welcome visitors from far and foreign packes, and ensure that they are full confused and full ready to depart.

Rule 5.    And yea, ye Grandmaster will enforce his will by ye use of liberal down-downs, and by his own goodly example, and those that say to him, 'nay', will be rewarded for their crimes with ye 'hashit', as told hereafter.

Rule 6.    Ye Grandmaster and his mistresses will nominate one goodly hasher as 'good egg' for services to ye Hashe, who will be rewarded with ale at the on-on, and one shabby and worthless hasher as 'shithead' for disgracefulle behaviour, and he muste wear ye shithead hat throughout ye run.  Any hasher deemed guilty of lewd and perverted behaviour shalt wear ye dirty olde raincoat throughout ye run.

Rule 7.    And on his passing ye Grandmaster shalt choose his successor and none shalt say him nay.

The Rules Of Ye Hares.

Rule 8.   E'er ye Hashe begin, ye Grandmaster will introduce ye Hares.  Ye Hares will inform ye pack of ye route and ye going, and will tell tales about hills and plains, and vales and mountains.  And they may tell ye might fibs.

Rule 9.    Ye Hares shalt lay ye traile using whatever means they so desire, on proviso that ye packe may discover it.

Rule 10.    Ye Hares shalt take care for ye safety of ye packe, and will not lay ye traile across busy highways, nor in any place so hazardous e'en knights do fear to tread.

Rule 11.    In blazing climes, ye Hares shalt provide liquid refreshment at a point nigh half way round ye traile.  They shalt not be given excuse if ye refreshment is troughed by ye goats, ye camels, ye natives, or ye bottle-eating lizard, but shalt take goodly care that ye refreshment is secure.

Rule 12.    Ye Hares shalt mark ye traile with ye blobs, ye circles and ye tees, and in any way they so wish, but shalt warn ye packe of ye markings prior to ye run.  And they will remember their route, for if they loose it they will be made fools, and given ye hashit at ye on-on.

Rule 13.    A Hare shalt always defend ye rear of ye pack and nurse ye stragglers home, whilst another Hare will run with ye Front Running Bastards (FRB's) and guide them on thy pathe.

Rule 14.    Ye Hares shalt not give hints of ye route to ye packe, excepting for those slow weenies, who are red of face, and heavy of puff, or to ye hashettes who smile daintily upon them with promises of hidden delights.

Rule 15.    Ye Hares are also charged with ye weighty and momentous task of collecting ye woode for ye fyre, in order that ye pack may be sated with cooked meat from ye olde barbeque.  And ye Hares shalt signpost ye location of ye traile with ye hash signs, and shalt ensure that ye Hares of seven moons hence do know where to find them and do collect them after ye Hashe.

Ye Rules Of Ye Chase.

Rule 16.    It is a bounden duty of all ye packe to make ye ancient and revered hash calls so that they will be heard by all, and yea, ye hills will be filled with glad voices singing 'on on' and 'checking'.

Rule 17.    And on discovering a dreaded tee ye FRB will straitways announce ye false traile, or he will be named ye 'rotten bastard', and called upon for punishment at ye on-on.

Rule 18.    Ye FRB's will run at ye front and search ye checks, and ye followers will lurk at ye checks and call out to them in mocking tones, for they are fat and lazy and content in this.

Rule 19.    Short-cutting is an admirable and skillful arte, but yet ye short-cutting bastard shalt not cut to ye front of ye packe and make full with ye hash calls, but shalt wait until a true runner has passed him by before calling out.

Rule 20.    Thou shalt not prepare for ye run by stretching of thew and limb, for this is not ye waye of ye Hashe.  Nor by ye wearing of ye new trainers.  If ye wear new trainers then thou shalt drink ye down-down from them, so they are properly anointed, as is the waye of ye Hash.

Rule 21.    And ye comely hashettes will not be cuddled or tarried with, as this is named as 'sex on the hash', and is a crime most serious, for a motto is; all for one and one for all, and sharing is for the whole packe, and nothing shalt be done by two alone.

Rule 22.    Ye packe shalt not bandy arguements with ye Grandmaster on ye traile, as this is a crime of disrespect.  Thou shalt wait until ye on-on before giving him an earful.

Rule 23.    Ye packe members shalt not race amongst themselves, or even talk of such ignoble thinges, for this is a terrible abomination that shalt be punishable at ye on-on.

Rule 24.    And at ye laste, ye Hash Softie will supply ye goblets and ye refreshing brew to quench ye runners thirst, and woe betide him who doth offer mango juice to quaff, for he hath no taste, and will be made to drink ye bloody stuffe himselfe!

Ye Rules Of Ye On-On.

Rule 25.    A hasher will be chosen to give a reporte of ye traile to ye packe, who will jeer and ridicule him.  A hasher deemed educated and able to write will be honoured with ye giante pencil, and charged to pen a reporte for ye Wurdz.

Rule 26.    Ye Grandmaster, or his mistresses, will summon forth ye villainous Hares and reward their crimes with goodly words and ye down-downs.   

Rule 27.    And after, ye Heirarchy will summon ye fiftieth runners and call upon ye packe to lay upon them their hash name, which will be mocking and have ye bells on.  Then they will be honoured with a T-shirt and a down-down.

Rule 28.    On ye hasher's hundredth run ye Grandmaster may offer ye hasher ye right to change his hash name, and if he so chooses then ye packe will give him another name, which shalt be more derisive than that which went before.

Rule 29.    And on a hasher's hundredth run and every fifty thereafter, there will be much celebration and merriment, and gifts of a new T-shirt and a down-down.

Rule 30.    And ye new runners and ye visitors will be welcomed to ye Hash with a lusty down-down.

Rule 31.    It will come to pass that those who have committed crimes and misdemeanors against ye hashe will be summoned by ye Heirarchy, and publicly shamed by having their names and crimes called aloude.  And yea, they shalt be named hashits, and they will hang their heads shamefully, and kneel before ye packe, a privy seat will be placed around their necks, and they will face ye fury of ye packe, who will show their displeasure by spilling ale upon their heads.

Rule 32.    And yea, those who receive down-downs shalt quaff all ye contents of their chalice of ale at ye appointed time, and then empty ye remnants, not upon ye floor, or upon another, but full square upon their heads or truely they shalt be named ye wuss.

Rule 33.    And ye shalt not sip at thy ale before ye appointed time, for this is a crime against ye on-on.

Rule 34.    And all shalt attend ye ceremonies so that they might witness ye glory of ye Hashe, and not hurry homeward after ye run.

Rule 35.    Those that transgress in a flagrant manner and commit heinous crimes against ye Hashe will be awarded ye Hashit at ye whim of ye Grandmaster or his mistresses.

Rule 36.    Ye Grandmaster and his mistresses may invent new crimes as they see fit.

Rule 37.    Truely ye Grandmaster is a goode and benevolent leader and shalt reward ye hashers for goodly behaviour regularly with catered hashes and twofers, if there is any funds in ye piggybank.

These are ye rules of ye Hashe, which will be changed at the whim of the Grandmaster or his mistresses when they deem fit, and have never been written anyway!