THE DEIL'S HASH

 Kindly prepared by Ian.

1.         AS I WAS WALKIN' ALL ALAIN,

            I HEARD TWA HASH HARES MAKIN' A MAIN.

            THE T'ANE UNTO THE T'OTHER SAY,

            WHAUR WILL WE LAY THE RUN TODAY.

2.         IN A' HINT YON SQU,

            THERE'S A PLACE THAT'S GREAT, TOO TRUE.

            THERE'S HILLS AND SAND AND ROCKS AS WELL,

            JUST THE PLACE FOR A HASH FROM HELL.

3.            THERE'S SCREE SLOPES ON HILL SIDES STEEP,

            THAT NANE KEENIES WILL EVER BEAT,

            THEY'LL SLIP AND FA' AND ON BACKSIDES SLIDE DOON,

            AND LEAVE SHORTS, AND SKIN AND BLOOD AROON',

4.            THERE'S SAND, QUITE INNOCENT STUFF,

            THAT RUNNERS WILL THINK LOOKS FIRM ENOUGH,

            BUT THEN FEET AND LEGS AND BODIES WILL SINK,

            TILL SCREAMIN' MOUTHS ARE FILLED, NAY MAIR TAE DRINK.

5.            RAGGED ROCKS AS WELL WILL TAK' THEIR TOLL,

            WHEN CARELESS EJITS TRIP AND ROLL.

            AND BLOOD WILL GUSH FROM RIPPED SKIN,

            WHERE MAGGOTTY EGGS WILL BE LAID THEREIN.

6.         FALSE TRAILS WILL NEVER HAVE AN END,

            UNLESS O'ER CLIFF SIDE, JUST ROUN' A BLIND BEND.

            AN' TUMBLIN' BODIES WILL RUN NO MORE,

            WHEN THEY HIT THE WAADI BOTTOM IN A MASS OF GORE..

7.            SURVIVORS, A DEVILISH TRAIL WILL FOLLOW,

            AN ETERNAL CIRCLE IN  A FIREY HOLLOW.

            THE WHOLE THING IS SO SAD,

            IT WILL DRIVE THE WEE SOULS MAD.

8.         BUT WHEN IN HELLTHE HASHERS MEET,

            THEY MAY NOT CONCEDE TO BEING BEAT.

            IT WILL BE TRAGIC IF THEY SAY,

            THAT WAS GREAT, WE'LL HA'E A RUN LIKE THAT,  

            EVERY DAY.

Ode to Rabbie Burns.

Kindly prepared by Shirley.

‘My luve is like a red, red rose’, was a load of old mush,

But other poems Rabbie wrote were enough to make you blush!

He wrote tales of lust, adultery, and maidens loosing their virginity,

He even wrote a poem in praise of his masculinity!

He claimed to have nine inches to give a lady pleasure,

(No wonder he was known as Scotland’s National Treasure!)

He wrote poems to haggis, mouse and louse, in fact he was prolific,

Ballads, songs, and epitaphs, but his spelling was horrific!

Now Rabbie liked a dram or two of his favorite Scotch whiskey,

And a couple of bonnie lasses, would make him feel quite frisky!

Not wine, women and song, or sex, drugs and rock and roll,

But lasses, Scotch and poetry, were Rabbie Burns’ goal!

He fathered children far and wide, shocked Victorian society,

But he carried on regardless, said ‘up yours’ to their piety!

He was no ‘wee, timorous beestie’, he was a party gate-crasher,

If Rabbie Burns were here today, he’d have been a Muscat Hasher!